Why do I not feel the guilt ??

I come from a very traditional Brahmin family and was taught to pray and thank God in every step I take in life. I have been grilled to feel guilty for every “evil” deed I was involved in and we were taught that only four evil things existed – beg, borrow, steal, kill. Also, we were taught that it was wrong to hurt another human being and it was important to donate.

However, I lost my spiritual self during my teens and have never gotten back to it ever since. I did pray occasionally or rather just introspect and talk to myself locking myself in my bedroom. Feeling guilty was never a part of me and I took complete responsibility of all my actions – however stupid they may be at times. Never have I ever felt guilty about a broken relationship just because I have never cheated or lied to the other person. And, I loved passionately every time I loved. More often than not, I have tried my best to keep the other person happy – I could have failed at it but my intentions were always good.

Today, I feel the guilt and it is striking me as hard as hailstones strike the climber on the tallest peak. He must have been stupid to climb during a bad day – he underestimated the power of the hail or the mountain could have been too tempting to climb….inane ramblings as my loved lizard says!!!! I must admit that I do feel guilty about my last relationship though…I was in the midst of a huge transition and was fighting from within when it happened…I am sort of over it but the guilt remains.

It has been a good day so far….I got all the policies that I needed for my study and I am done with the peer reviews that I was to be done for the day. I have my lenses on and they fit perfect. Just as though nothing happened to my eyes!!! Got a friend who has come down from the UK and we have been shooting the shit. And, totally staying away from alcohol (Wonderful!!!). Can’t be running for a month due to the shin splints injury but working on strength training and cycling which keeps me fit. This is the fittest I have been in my life so far and it feels good.